Top 5 Tips for Training Dogs with Separation Anxiety
Okay, so — If you're reading this at 2am, frantically searching for answers while your dog sleeps peacefully beside you (for now), I see you. I've been there. When Grizzy first came home, his separation anxiety felt insurmountable. Two seconds alone was his absolute limit, and I had no idea where to even start.
Before diving into training, it's crucial to understand that separation anxiety is a panic disorder, not misbehavior. This changes everything about how you approach training, so I recommend reading about what SA really is before you start.
After a year and a half of trial and error, working with specialists, and finally finding what actually works, I want to share the five most important things I've learned. These aren't quick fixes — because those don't exist for separation anxiety — but they are the foundational principles that will actually get you and your dog to the other side of this.
1. Understand It's a Panic Disorder, Not a Behavior Problem
This was the most important mindset shift for me. When Grizzy would frantically pace, bark, or try to escape when we left, he wasn't being stubborn, manipulative, or poorly trained. His brain was literally in panic mode. He geniuinely believed he would die if left alone.
Separation anxiety is clinically recognized by the veterinary community as a panic disorder. When your dog is alone, the fear and panic parts of their brain are firing on all cylinders. Think about the last time you experienced genuine panic — maybe during turbulence on a plane or a close call while driving. Could someone have "trained" you out of that response in that moment? Of course not.
Why this matters for training: Once I understood that Grizzy was experiencing genuine terror, not throwing a tantrum, it completely changed my perspective. This also underlined that punishment, "tough love," or ignoring the behavior are not just ineffective — they are cruel. This is why so many traditional training methods fail with separation anxiety. You can't discipline panic away.
The takeaway: Approach your dog's separation anxiety with compassion, not frustration. You're not correcting bad behavior; you're helping a panicked brain learn to feel safe.
2. Use Classical Conditioning to Rewire Their Brain
Here's where things get exciting. Classical conditioning isn't just about reducing your dog's fear — it's about actually changing how their brain responds to your departure.
Traditional desensitization focuses on gradually exposing your dog to being alone until they get used to it. It works, but it's slow. Classical conditioning takes it a step further by creating positive associations. Instead of your dog thinking, "Oh no, they're leaving" and eventually tolerating it, they start thinking, "Oh yes, they're leaving — that means something amazing is about to happen!"
How we did this with Grizzy:
We used a Treat & Train (an automatic treat dispenser) that would start dispensing high-value treats the moment we moved toward the door
At first, Grizzy was curious, but too anxious to eat the treats, which told us we were moving too fast
We backed way up and started with just thinking about leaving while the treats dispensed
Gradually, his brain started making the connection: departure cues = jackpot
The magic moment? When Grizzy started getting excited when I picked up my keys instead of anxious. He would immediately run to the Treat and Train instead of panic. His brain had been rewired.
The takeaway: Don't just try to make your dog tolerate your absence. Teach them that your leaving predicts something wonderful. Tools like the Treat & Train, automatic feeders, or even puzzle toys can help create this positive association.
A note about the Treat & Train: It's not a forever crutch. As your dog becomes more comfortable being alone, they'll likely need it less and less — just like Grizzy did! Think of it as training wheels for your dog's brain. Initially, it provides the crucial distraction and positive association they need while their brain is still learning that departures are safe. But as that neural rewiring happens and their confidence builds, the constant stream of treats becomes less necessary.
Eventually, many dogs graduate to needing it only occasionally, or not at all. We don’t use ours anymore and have, instead, transitioned to a frozen Kong. Once he’s done with his Kong, he settles comfortably on his chair or our bed and naps for majority of our time away.
3. Desensitize Pre-Departure Cues
This one snuck up on us. We were so focused on training Grizzy to be alone that we didn't realize he was already in panic mode before we even started our departure training.
Dogs are incredibly observant. They pick up on patterns we don't even realize we're creating. For Grizzy, it was:
Me putting on jeans instead of sweatpants
Grabbing keys
Putting on makeup
My husband getting his work bag
By the time we'd say "we'll be right back" and head to the door, Grizzy's anxiety was already at a 7 out of 10. We were setting ourselves up for failure.
How to address this:
Make a list of everything you do before leaving (your pre-departure routine)
Practice these actions randomly throughout the day without actually leaving
Put on your shoes, then sit on the couch and watch TV
Grab your keys, walk to the door, then go make a snack
Put on your jacket, then take it off and go about your day
This breaks the predictive power these cues have. Eventually, keys jingling doesn't automatically mean "panic time" — it just means keys are moving.
Our trainer's advice that changed everything: "Your dog is anxious before you even start training. Fix that first." She was right. Once we desensitized the pre-departure cues, our actual departure training progressed SO much faster.
The takeaway: Pay attention to your routine before leaving and systematically desensitize each trigger. You can't successfully train departures if your dog is already anxious before you start.
4. Go Slower Than You Think You Need To
I'm going to be honest: this one was the hardest for me. I wanted results. I wanted my freedom back. I wanted to go to the grocery store without a elaborate coordination plan with my husband.
But here's the truth about separation anxiety training: if you push too fast, you don't just slow down progress — you can actually make things worse. Every time your dog goes over threshold (experiences that panic response), you're reinforcing the very thing you're trying to eliminate.
What "slow" actually means:
When we started, success looked like me standing up from the couch while Grizzy stayed calm
Then it was walking toward the door
Then touching the doorknob
Then opening the door an inch
Then stepping outside for literally 2 seconds
I'm not exaggerating. Two. Seconds.
It felt absurd. It felt like we'd never get anywhere. But here's what I learned: those tiny, successful repetitions were building Grizzy's confidence. Each time he stayed calm, his brain was learning "I can do this."
Signs you're moving too fast:
Your dog stops eating treats
Pacing, whining, or barking begins
Your dog follows you or tries to block your path
Dilated pupils, panting, or other stress signals appear
If you see any of these, you've already pushed too far. Back up to where your dog was last successful and stay there longer.
The paradox: Going slower actually gets you to your goal faster. When Grizzy and I would rush and trigger his panic, we'd have to start over. When we went painfully slow, we built a solid foundation that allowed us to progress steadily.
The takeaway: Celebrate ridiculously small wins. Progress might look like adding 5 seconds at a time, and that's that's exactly right where you should be. Trust the process, even when it feels PAINFULLY SLOW.
5. Invest in a Dog Trainer
I know. You're already spending money on a new training machine, maybe medication, and now I'm telling you to hire a trainer. But hear me out: this is the one expense that's actually worth it.
Not all dog trainers understand separation anxiety. It's a specialized area that requires specific knowledge and approach. We worked with two trainers before finding our separation anxiety specialist, and the difference was night and day.
What a good SA specialist will do:
Observe your dog's specific behaviors and triggers (ideally through video)
Create a customized training plan based on your dog's unique flavor of anxiety
Catch subtle stress signals you might miss
Help you troubleshoot when you hit roadblocks
Address related anxieties (like door greeting or reactivity) that often come packaged with SA
Our experience: Our trainer could watch video of Grizzy and notice things we completely missed — a subtle ear position change, his tail height, a glance toward the window, tension in his body. She'd say, "He's getting stressed at the 18-second mark" when we thought he looked fine. That level of expertise saved us months of spinning our wheels.
She also helped us realize that Grizzy's door greeting anxiety and his separation anxiety were connected. By addressing both simultaneously with tailored techniques, we made faster progress on both fronts.
What to look for:
Certifications in separation anxiety (CSAT - Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer)
Experience specifically with SA cases (not just general obedience training)
Approach based on modern, science-backed methods (positive reinforcement, classical conditioning)
Willingness to observe your dog remotely or in your home environment
Realistic timeline expectations (anyone promising quick results is a red flag)
If you can't afford a private trainer: Look for group programs led by SA specialists. Some trainers offer more affordable options where you follow a structured program with periodic check-ins. It's not as customized, but it's better than generic advice.
The takeaway: A separation anxiety specialist isn't a luxury; it's an investment that will save you time, money, and heartbreak in the long run. The right professional guidance is worth its weight in gold. Plus, getting a trainer adds accountability to the mix, which helped us stay consistent in our departure training.
The Bottom Line
Separation anxiety training is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be days when you feel like you're making incredible progress, and days when you’re going to flip a table feeling like you're back at square one. One is A LOT better than the other, but both are part of the process.
I'm not a certified dog trainer or behaviorist—I'm just a dog parent who learned these lessons the hard way. Read more about my journey and why I created this resource.
Remember:
Your dog is experiencing panic, not misbehaving - approach with compassion
Classical conditioning rewires their brain - make your departures predict good things
Pre-departure cues matter - desensitize your routine before training departures
Slower is faster - tiny successful reps build lasting confidence
Specialist help is worth it - the right guidance saves months of struggle
Each of these five tips came from our real-world experience with Grizzy. If you want to hear the full story of how we got here, check out how our separation anxiety journey began.
When Grizzy and I started this journey, I couldn't imagine a day when I could leave the house without planning it like a military operation. Now? He can handle reasonable alone time, and while we're not perfect, we finally have our freedom back.
If you're in the thick of it right now, exhausted and wondering if it will ever get better, I promise you — with the right approach, patience, and support, there is hope on the other side of this.
These five tips form the foundation of a more detailed training approach. If you want a complete step-by-step roadmap, I've created a comprehensive guide to implementing these strategies day by day.
What's been your biggest challenge with separation anxiety training? Drop a comment below — I'd love to hear your story and offer support where I can. XO, Annamarie
