What Actually Worked: Grizzy’s Separation Anxiety Training Method (Step-by-Step)
If you've read our story and learned what separation anxiety actually is, you're probably asking the most important question: "Okay, but what do I actually do about it? How do I apply this to my situation?”
I get it. When Grizzy couldn't be alone for more than two seconds, my husband and I were desperate for a clear roadmap. I wanted concrete steps that would lead us out of this nightmare.
After a year and a half of trial and error, working with specialists, and finally finding what works, I want to share the approach that got us our freedom back. This isn't a quick fix (those don't exist), but it is a proven path forward.
✨ Disclaimer: this is what worked for us and our pup, but I'm not a certified behaviorist or trainer. I'm just a dog owner who found success with this approach! That said, every dog is different, and anxiety shows up differently for every pup. Please talk to your vet, trainer, or behaviorist before trying this, especially to make sure it's the right fit for your dog's particular situation.
The Foundation: Understanding the Approach
Before we dive into the how-to, you need to understand the "why" behind this method. Most traditional separation anxiety training focuses on desensitization — gradually exposing your dog to being alone until they get used to it. It works, but it's painfully slow and requires a lot more of your time and energy each day.
The approach that worked for us centers on classical conditioning, which doesn't just help your dog tolerate your absence — it actually rewires their brain to associate your departures with positive experiences. Instead of thinking "Oh no, they're leaving," your dog learns to think "Oh hell yes, they're leaving — that means something amazing happens!"
This might sound like a subtle difference, but it's huge.
Classical conditioning speeds up the process and creates lasting change because you're not just reducing fear, you're replacing it with anticipation of good things.
The Core Principles
Everything we did with Grizzy was built on these principles:
1. Never trigger panic. If your dog shows stress, you've gone too far. Every successful, calm repetition builds confidence. Every panicked episode reinforces the fear.
2. Make departures predict rewards. Soon, your leaving should be the best part of your dog's day. Using higher value treats makes this work even better!
3. Go slower than feels reasonable. Progress might be measured in seconds, not minutes. That's not just okay, that's exactly right.
4. Address the whole picture. Pre-departure cues, door greetings, and other anxieties often come packaged with separation anxiety. You need to tackle all of it.
5. Every dog is different. What worked for Grizzy might need tweaking for your dog. Pay attention to their unique signals and adjust accordingly.
6. Consistency is key. Your dog's progress lives and dies by your commitment — show up every day, even when progress feels invisible, and you'll get there exponentially faster than if you train sporadically and hope for the best.
The Training Roadmap
Here's the step-by-step approach that worked for us. Remember, this is an overview — you'll need to adjust based on your dog's specific needs.
Phase 1: Desensitize Pre-Departure Cues
Before you can train actual departures, you need to address all the things you do before leaving. Dogs are incredibly perceptive, and if your dog is already anxious when you pick up your keys, your departure training is starting from behind.
What to do:
Make a list of everything in your leaving routine (getting dressed, grabbing keys, putting on shoes, picking up your bag, that specific way you sigh before heading out the door — yes, they frigg’n notice that too)
Practice these actions randomly throughout the day without leaving
Put on your jacket, then take it off and watch TV (your dog: "...wait, what?")
Pick up your keys, jingle them aggressively, set them down, go make a snack
Get fully ready to leave, complete with shoes and everything, then just sit on the couch and scroll your phone like a weirdo
The goal: Break the predictive power of these cues so they no longer automatically trigger anxiety.
How long this takes: For Grizzy, we spent about two weeks on this before moving to actual departures. Your dog might need more or less time.
Phase 2: Set Up Your Training Tool
This is where the Treat & Train (highly recommend this one) or another treat dispenser becomes invaluable. You need something that delivers treats remotely so your dog isn't just waiting for you to come back — they're actively engaged in something positive.
What to do:
Introduce the Treat & Train while you're home and present
Let your dog get comfortable with it dispensing treats
Start pairing pre-departure cues with the Treat & Train activating
Your dog should start to love this machine
Pro tip: Use high-value treats they only get during separation anxiety training. For Grizzy, it was Pupford salmon or rabbit treats mixed with plain Cheerios (yes, you read that correctly — our trainer recommended these! They’re safe for dogs and cheap AF). Your goal is to find out what makes your dog essentially forget you exist lol.
Important note: The Treat & Train isn't forever. As your dog becomes more comfortable, they'll need it less and less. Think of it as training wheels for your dog's brain — initially providing crucial distraction and positive association, but eventually becoming unnecessary as their confidence builds.
Phase 3: Start Absurdly Small
Now comes the actual departure training. And I mean absurdly small.
We purchased and used the Pleasantly Independent Handbook created by certified dog trainer and behaviorist, Jenn Gavin, BA, CPDT-KA. It’s on Etsy for $24.99. We took the same exact steps outlined in this handbook when introducing the treat and train / departure path with Grizzy. I cannot overstate how valuable this handbook will be as you navigate this phase.
Your first goal: Stand up from the couch while your dog stays calm and engaged with their treat dispenser or special activity.
That's it. Not walking to the door. Not opening the door. Not even looking at the door with intention. Just standing up.
I know. I KNOW. It sounds ridiculous. "I paid money for a book and trainer to tell me to practice standing up?" Yes. Yes, you did. And it works.
Your Pleasantly Independent handbook goes into depth on all of this, but here's a snapshot of what you'll be doing:
Activate the Treat & Train (or give the Kong/special toy)
Stand up
If your dog stays calm and engaged, sit back down after a few seconds
Repeat until this is completely boring to your dog
Gradually add: taking a step, walking toward the door, touching the doorknob, opening the door slightly, etc.
How to know you're ready to progress:
Your dog doesn't look up when you move
They're relaxed and happily eating treats or engaging with their activity
No pacing, whining, following, or other stress signals
How to know you've gone too far:
Your dog stops eating
They get up to follow you
You see stress signals (panting, dilated pupils, pacing, whining)
They're staring at you or the door instead of engaging with treats
If you see these signs, you've pushed too fast. Go back to the last step where your dog was successful and spend more time there.
Phase 4: Build Duration Gradually
Once you can step outside your door with your dog staying calm, you'll start building time. But — and I cannot stress this enough — go slower than you think you need to. We followed the strucutre outlined in the Pleasantly Independent handbook (have I mentioned yet that I highly recommend ordering this? 😉).
What worked for us:
Start with 2-5 seconds outside the door
When that's easy, try 10 seconds
Then 15, 20, 30 seconds
Then 1 minute, 2 minutes, 5 minutes
You get the idea
The pattern: Multiple successful reps at one duration before increasing. We'd do 5-10 successful reps at each level before moving up.
Important: Mix up your durations. Don't always increase. Do some short ones, some medium ones, and occasionally push slightly longer. This prevents your dog from predicting exactly when you'll return and getting anxious as that time approaches.
Real talk about timeline: It took us about 3 months of consistent training to get to 30 minutes alone. Yes, three months. To get to thirty minutes. Let that sink in. And you know what? That's actually pretty good progress for separation anxiety. Some dogs take longer, some move faster. There's no race (except the one your dog is currently winning against your sanity).
The majority of your timeline will likely be frontloaded at the beginning — once your dog is comfortable at 30 minutes, 1 hour and beyond are going to be easier, trust me.
Phase 5: Add Real-Life Variables
Once your dog can handle planned departures, you can start gradually adding real-life messiness:
Different times of day: Practice morning, afternoon, and evening departures
Different contexts: You leaving for work looks different than running to grab the mail
Different sounds: Maybe the TV is left on during your departue this time. Next time, the radio, then maybe no noise at all. Always keep them guessing.
Different family members leaving: If it's always you doing the training, your dog might panic when someone else leaves
The goal: Build flexibility so your dog generalizes that "people leaving = good things" in all contexts, not just your specific training setup.
The Tools That Made the Difference
Here's what actually helped us:
Essential:
Treat & Train (or a different automatic treat dispenser) - Game changer for classical conditioning
The Pleasantly Independent handbook by Jenn Gavin, BA, CPDT-KA - Our bible for this process
High-value treats - Save the best stuff for SA training only
Video monitoring - Cameras are critical for knowing when your dog is actually stressed vs. when you're projecting
Super Helpful:
A certified separation anxiety trainer - Customized guidance that saved us months of spinning our wheels (If you’re in the Minneapolis area, our trainer is Abby H. from The Canine Coach — she’s brilliant)
Patience and realistic expectations - Not a tool you can buy, but absolutely essential
Not helpful (for us):
CBD, calming supplements
TheraPet Dog pheromone diffusers
Desensitization only method (requires 5x more training sessions throughout the day and extremely slow progress, just didn’t work for our lifestyle)
What About Medication?
I'm not a vet, so I can't give medical advice. But I can tell you that for some dogs, medication is an important part of the picture. If your dog's anxiety is so severe they can't even engage with training, talk to your vet about anti-anxiety medication.
Medication isn't "giving up" or "taking the easy way out." For some dogs, it's the thing that makes training actually sink in. And it’s not permanent — usually after consistent departure training and the rewiring occurs, dogs often no longer need to be medicated situationally for their SA.
Grizzy didn't need situational medication, but I know plenty of dogs who made huge progress once the medication took the edge off their panic enough that they could actually participate in training.
Real Talk: What to Expect
Let me be honest about what this journey actually looks like:
The good:
You will see progress if you're consistent
Small wins feel absolutely magical
Your relationship with your dog deepens through this process
Eventually, you get your freedom back
The hard:
Progress is slower than you want it to be… like, way slower
You'll have setbacks that feel devastating in the moment (but they DO bounce back fast after a couple shorter departures to get them back on track!)
It requires daily commitment for months
You'll question if you're doing it right
Some days you'll feel like you're moving backward
The freakin’ reality:
This is definitely a marathon, not a sprint
Two steps forward, one step back is normal and more than likely will happen with your training
Your dog's progress won't be linear
You need support (friends, family, online communities, trainers)
It's okay to give your dog a break and skip a day or two. The progress you made will not be erased!
When to Get Professional Help
You should work with a separation anxiety specialist if:
You're feeling overwhelmed and don't know where to start
You've been trying on your own but not seeing progress
Your dog's anxiety is severe (destructive, self-harming, or lasting hours)
You need help reading your dog's subtle stress signals
You want customized guidance for your specific situation
Your dog has other behavioral issues alongside SA
You need the accountability
A good trainer will observe your dog (usually via video), take time to get to know your dog’s personality, quirks, and triggers, will create a customized plan, help you troubleshoot, and give you confidence that you're on the right track.
Is it expensive? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Our trainer saved us months of guessing and gave us tools we still use today. Also, she prevented me from making several terrible decisions borne of desperation and 2am Google searches.
The Bottom Line
Separation anxiety training is hard. It's tedious. It requires more patience than you think you have. But it works.
The approach is simple (not easy, but simple):
Desensitize pre-departure cues
Use classical conditioning to make departures predict rewards
Start absurdly small with actual departures
Build duration gradually, slower than feels reasonable
Never trigger panic — every rep should be successful
Add real-life variables once the foundation is solid
When Grizzy and I started, I couldn't imagine a day when I could run to the store without an elaborate plan involving my husband's schedule, our parents’ availability (thank goodness they live nearby!), and possibly a small prayer to the dog gods to keep things calm and cool at the house.
Now? Grizzy hangs out on the couch, napping on my favorite throw pillows, definitely not panicking. We're not perfect, and there are still limitations, but we have our lives back.
If you're in the thick of it right now, I know it feels impossible. I know you're exhausted. I know you're wondering if it will ever get better.
It will. With the right approach, consistency, and patience (with both your dog and yourself), there is absolutely hope on the other side of this.
You've got this. And more importantly, you are not alone.
Ready to dive deeper? Check out my post on 5 Essential Separation Anxiety Training Tips for more detailed guidance on each phase of training.
Need support? Join our community and subscribe to our email list where dog parents share their wins, struggles, and encouragement through this journey.
XO, Annamarie
