When Separation Anxiety Training Goes Backward: Our Story with Regression
When Progress Disappeared
Grizzy was crushing it. Four hours alone, no problem. My husband and I were finally feeling hopeful for the first time in months. We'd been successfully leaving him for three to four hours multiple times a week, and it felt like we'd turned a corner.
So when friends invited us over for dinner last week, we didn't hesitate to say yes.
Here's what we didn't think about: we're in peak fall now, and the sun sets at 6pm instead of 9:30pm. We'd left Grizzy alone one evening the previous weekend for about three hours and he'd done fine. So we figured — no big deal, right?
Wrong.
Grizzy fell apart. Pacing, whining at the door, anxiety signals lighting up on the cameras. He couldn't settle anywhere. Every time we nervously checked our phones, he was still stressed.
We were crushed. All that progress, just... gone?
What Actually Happened (Spoiler: It Wasn't What I Thought)
When I reached out to our trainer in a panic the next day, she helped me understand something crucial: Grizzy hadn't lost his skills. He'd just never learned them in this context.
We'd only ever practiced departures during daylight. Grizzy had never experienced us grabbing keys, putting on shoes, and leaving when it was completely dark outside. To him, evening departures were a completely new scenario, and his anxiety proved it.
Our trainer also pointed out something I'd completely overlooked: Grizzy's energy levels are totally different in the evenings.
During mornings and early afternoons, he's usually napping or in full couch potato mode. Conducting departures is easier because he's already relaxed and sleepy. But evenings? That's when he gets his second wind lol suddenly he's zooming around, ready for backyard chase sessions and hide-and-seek!
Trying to leave during his peak energy time was also setting us up for failure.
Now we’re thinking strategically about his routine. If we know an evening departure is coming, we wear him out earlier in the day — longer morning walk, extra play session in the afternoon — so he's more likely to settle and nap in the evening instead of bouncing off the walls like he normally does.
The lesson: Your dog's natural energy patterns matter. Work with them, not against them.
But the bigger issue our trainer communicated to us? We'd stopped making "deposits”.
The Savings Account That Changed Everything
Our trainer, Abby H. (at The Canine Coach), explained separation anxiety training like a bank account:
Every short, easy practice departure = a deposit
Every real absence when you need to leave = a withdrawal
Once Grizzy hit four hours, we kind of thought we were done. We stopped practicing. We only left when we actually needed to — making withdrawals without any deposits.
So, it made sense when we tried to withdraw from an account we never truly funded (evening departures), there was nothing there.
His account was empty. And his anxiety returned.
What Regression Actually Is
Real regression is consistent and significant. It's not one bad day — it's your dog struggling with durations or situations that were previously comfortable, repeatedly.
For Grizzy:
Daytime departures: still comfortable at 4 hours
Evening departures: anxious at even 30 minutes
This wasn't about losing duration. It was about context.
So, technically, Grizzy hadn’t regressed entierly by definition, but we are taking extra precautions by depositing into his savings account with 2-3 practice rounds per week during the afternoons and evenings.
How We're Fixing It
Step 1: Start Over in the New Context
We went back to basics for evening departures! 10-15 minute sessions. It felt terrible this week, like we were starting from scratch. But our trainer reminded us: we weren't rebuilding his capacity. We were teaching him that pre-departure cues in the evening mean the same safe thing as they do during the day.
This training will most likely go way faster than initial training because the foundation is already here.
Step 2: Commit to Maintenance Departures
This is the game-changer. Even though Grizzy can handle four hours during the day, we now are trying to do 2-3 short practice sessions per week — just 10-25 minutes. A coffee run. A walk around the block. A quick drive around the neighborhood.
These aren't because we need to leave. They're simply just deposits in his account. They keep the pre-departure routine familiar and non-threatening.
Step 3: Practice Different Contexts
The evening regression taught me that every context needs its own deposits:
Different times of day
Weekends vs. weekdays
Various weather conditions
Different lighting situations
Just because Grizzy is comfortable during sunny afternoons doesn't mean he'll automatically handle dark evenings. And that was a huge eye opener for me and my husband.
Step 4: Consider Routine Changes
We’ve found out that Grizzy’s natural energy patterns matter. And we want to work with them, not against them.
We’ve considered changing up his routine slightly with some fun, easy ways to expend his energy at the right times (a longer walk, frisbee at the park, quick trip to the dog park, etc.) so that they he rests easier while we’re away, especially for the longer departures.
The Hard Truth I Had to Accept
Separation anxiety isn't something you cure. It's something you manage.
Our trainer helped me understand this: it's like all dog training. You don't teach "sit" once and never practice again. Separation anxiety is the same — just more complex and emotionally draining.
For us, "success" means:
Grizzy comfortable for 4 hours during the day
Still building evening comfort (currently 90 minutes to 2 hours)
Ongoing maintenance departures 2-3 times per week (during different times of the day)
Accepting this is a lifelong management plan
And honestly? That's enough for our life.
What I Learned from Regression
Regression is feedback, not failure. It showed me I'd been too narrow in my training, assuming daytime success would automatically generalize everywhere. It doesn't.
Maintenance is not optional. You can't just hit a goal duration and coast. Those regular, short deposits are what keep the account funded.
Context matters more than I realized. Time of day, lighting, sounds, day of the week — all of it can matter to an anxious dog.
Professional help is worth it. I wouldn't have understood any of this without our certified separation anxiety trainer. She gave us clarity, a concrete plan, and realistic expectations.
Where We Are Now
Grizzy handles about four hours during the day comfortably. Evening departures are still a work in progress — we're at 90 minutes and still building towards the 2 hour mark.
Is he "cured"? No.
Will he ever handle 8-10 hours? Probably not.
Is he happy and comfortable within his limits? Yes.
Every short practice session builds his resilience. Every deposit adds to his account. Regression didn't erase our progress — it just taught me to be more intentional about maintenance.
If you're facing regression: You're not failing. Your dog isn't broken. You're just learning what they need to feel safe. Keep showing up, keep making deposits, and keep believing in them.
Dealing with separation anxiety regression? Drop a comment below and let's support each other through this.
XO, Annamarie
